I’m not sure we’ve had a better summer blockbuster season in the 21st century. Just looking at the decade so far, 2014 is the clear favorite, with 2011 being the only real challenger in terms of quantity and quality. We got the last “Harry Potter,” “Thor,” “X-Men: First Class,” “Bridesmaids,” “Rise of the Planet of the Apes,” and “Super 8.” (Also, we’re five years into the new decade and isn’t 2011 the clear overall loser of the bunch?).
You’d probably have to go back to 2007 to find a real challenger. We had six (!) threequels (all of varying quality) between “Spiderman 3,” “Pirates 3,” “Bourne Ultimatum,” “Ocean’s Thirteen,” “Rush Hour 3,”and “Shrek the Third.”One of Pixar’s finest achievements in “Ratatouille,” the most underrated Potter film “Order of the Phoenix,” the satisfying “Simpsons Movie,” and two Apatow classics in “Superbad” and “Knocked Up.” Pretty good, right?
But, I’d argue this year was better. 2007 had quantity. But, by my count, only six of those films are worth watching:”Ratatouille,” “Bourne,” “Harry Potter,” “The Simpsons,” “Knocked Up,” and “Superbad.” (“Spiderman 3” is my secret guilty pleasure… it’s not that bad, right? Right? RIGHT?!?)
Oh yeah…
But I digress… 2014 gave us some great comedies with “22 Jump Street” and “Neighbors,” an awesome animated flick in “How to Train Your Dragon 2,” a crowd-pleasing indie(ish) feature in “Chef,” and an awards-season favorite in “Boyhood” (this is the one movie that slipped by me this year, hoping to watch it soon).
But, what I really want to talk about is the season’s big-budget-special-effects-filled action blockbusters. They’re what the summer’s all about after all. So, without further adieu, I present my official
2014 Summer Blockbuster Power Rankings
(Editors Note: Never saw “Transformers: Age of Extinction” so it will be absent on my list. This is really just me talking about the films I DID see.)
Number 7: “The Amazing Spiderman 2”
Is this the worst Spiderman movie? I mean, it’s got to be. Even the much maligned “Spiderman 3” is better than this clunker (sans dancing in the streets scene, but even that was kinda fun, right? Right?!?). I reviewed this movie for the high school paper when it came out (you can read it here). I was way, way, way to soft. It’s the only time I think I’ve been wrong when we went to press. It’s got a horrible villain with Jamie Foxx/Electro. Terrible writing, just check out this horrifically written exchange:
Electro: You wanna be my friend?
Harry Osborn: I thought we were already friends.
Electro: I had a friend once. It didn’t work out.
Harry Osborn: Yeah. Me too.
Electro: Then let’s go catch a spider.
Uninspired action with tracking shots stolen straight from “The Avengers,” “Gravity,” and “The World’s End,” and it features a 31-year-old Andrew Garfield and 26-year-old Emma Stone graduating high school. (Which Stone did already seven years prior in “Superbad”).
They decided to tackle one of comic-book’s most famous stories, “The Night Gwen Stacy Died,” which would be ok if they didn’t jump between such jumbled tones. One minute, the movie is a saturday morning cartoon, the next a boring sci-fi conspiracy thriller, then a charming rom-com. Then- WHACK!- Spidey tragically snaps his beloved girlfriends neck while trying to rescue her from a deadly fall. Then, he sulks around the rest of the movie until Paul Giamatti shows up sporting an offensively over-the-top Russian accent as “The Rhino.” I mean, what the fuck was that.
The only thing it truly has going for it is Emma Stone.
Anyways, it is the worst “Spiderman” movie, in this franchise or the prior.
Here’s my unofficial official “Spiderman” power-ranking-within-another-power-ranking
5. “The Amazing Spiderman 2” –see reasons above.
4. “Spiderman 3”
3. “Spiderman.” The gap between choices 3 and 4 is smaller than one might expect. I truly am a “Spiderman 3” apologist. I don’t care if Sam Raimi himself said it sucked. I still find fun to be had here. To my knowledge, J.K. Simmons gets more screen time here than ever as the neurotic J. Jonah Jameson. For my money, he’s the highlight of the entire trilogy. Plus, the first in the series certainly hasn’t aged all that well. It’s definitely still watchable, and even enjoyable, but it’s a bit heavy on cheese and camp. (It also features really awkward conversations between the fully masked Spiderman/Green Goblin. It’s kind of uncomfortable to hear them talk but see no mouths moving).
2. “The Amazing Spiderman” I really did like this movie. Martin Sheen and Sally Field worked better as Uncle Ben and Aunt May than the original cast ever did. It followed much more closely to Brian Michael Bendis’ “Ultimate Spiderman” run, which is a great modern adaption of the character and a personal favorite of mine. Though the special effects were surprisingly bad for 2012 standards, the film actually stood somewhat competently compared to the year’s other heavyweights “The Avengers” and “The Dark Knight Rises.”
1. “Spiderman 2” This:
This:
And this:
Rumor has it that Spiderman is heading back to Marvel Studios. I have a couple theories on what they’ll be doing and what the should do that I plan on sharing with you guys a little later. But, they should cast correctly this time. My vote: Nick Robinson from 2013’s terrific and criminally under seen “The Kings of Summer.”
Number 6: “Godzilla”
There’s something terribly fun about the large scale destruction that “Godzilla” offers. I know the King of Monster’s doesn’t show up into well into the movie, and Walter White dies way too early, and the main two leads aren’t exactly compelling characters, but this film had an highly enjoyable sense of scale and spectacle. Plus, Ken Watanabe gets to say funny things throughout the whole movie:
It also features the best cheesiest ending of the summer.
“King of Monsters– Savior of our City?” Everyone in San Francisco is cheering when they should be thinking: “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! That thing just destroyed two giant monsters now he’s going to devour us! Let’s get out of the city!” Then, as the beast majestically lumbers into the ocean, you gotta think he accidentally stepped on a few more innocent bystanders. Or at least racked up a few hundred-thousand-dollars more of property damage.
It wasn’t quite the thinking-man’s monster movie that it was said to be, but I still had a good time.
Number 5: “Snowpiercer”
Korean director Joon-Ho Bong crafted one of the years coolest, most nuanced action flicks. It’s a hyper-stylized tale of class-warfare, global warming, government propaganda, and choo-choo trains.
I’m near certain much of the movie’s praise came from it’s indie-roots. Critics kind of used this movie as a criticism of the current studio system and many thought it was one it was one of the year’s best. I really enjoyed it, though in the end, it only just cracked my top-5 summer blockbusters. (Though, I suppose it’s not a blockbuster in nearly every definition of the word. But who cares, this is my list and I wanted to talk about it).
Number 4: “X-Men: Days of Future Past”
This is where the list gets very difficult. My number 1 and 2 are set, but I’ve been flip-flopping back and forth between “X-Men” and “Edge of Tomorrow” forever now. I decided to reward the originality of “Edge of Tomorrow” and give it the edge. So congrats Tom Cruise. I liked your movie.
Anyways, I wrote about “X-Men: Days of Future Past” at length here. If you actually decide to read that long review, you’ll see I put it up there with “The Avengers” and “The Dark Knight” as one of the very best of the comic book genre. I still stand by that now. And when I saw that movie in May, I never expected to see three other summer blockbusters that I would enjoy even more.
Number 3: “Live. Die. Repeat: Edge of Tomorrow”
Has there ever been a more poorly marketed blockbuster film? Not that I can recall. The trailers made it out to be a generic sci-fi action film. The title seems made up by a caricature of mindless corporate board-room minds. The revised, home video release title is even worse.
All that truly had to be said was this: “Edge of Tomorrow” is the badass action movie version of “Groundhog’s Day.” Sold. I never knew the premise of this movie until I read up on it. Maybe the trailers conveyed this message, but they were so boring I didn’t even realize
Tom Cruise is well cast as an everyman coward turned action hero by circumstance. It’s actually pretty fun seeing this guy get killed. Then murdered. Then obliterated. Then gutted. Then destroyed. Over, and over, and over, and over again.
“Edge of Tomorrow” is a surprisingly clever, funny, and fresh blockbuster unlike any in recent memory. It’s not a sequel or a reboot or a prequel or anything. (Though I guess it is based off some Japanese Manga). It’s sad that an original idea seems so novel these days during the summer.
Number 2: “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes”
This movie belongs firmly in the “T2: Judgement Day” category. I.E., sequels so vastly superior to the original that I never care to view the first one again. Also in this club: “Aliens,” “The Dark Knight,” and “Spiderman 2.”
I liked “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” back in 2011. I always had a weird infatuation with the “Apes” franchise as a whole (and monkeys aren’t my favorite animals or anything). But when I walked out of the theater after seeing “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes,” I was completely blown away.
From the beautiful nature cinematography, to the most convincing special effects/motion-capture I have ever seen, to the brilliant performances by Andy Serkis and Toby Kebbel (why can’t the Academy recognize these guys?), and the harrowing, emotional standoff between Caesar and Koba atop the decrepit skyscraper, this was easily one of the best movies I’d seen last year. (Once I see “Boyhood” and “Imitation Game” I’ll do an overall top 10 list).
(Also, between this flick and”Godzilla,” San Francisco had a really rough year at the movies).
I get goosebumps just thinking about “Dawn.” I loved it. But it wasn’t my favorite of the year. There is still one more.
Number 1: “Guardians of the Galaxy”
Who doesn’t love this movie? How could you not? Like everyone else in the world, I was certainly skeptical of this movie. A talking raccoon? A walking tree? I fancy myself a comic book fan, and even I had never heard of this clan of misfits. But as soon as I saw that first trailer I was sold.
The 70’s pop soundtrack, the eye-popping visuals, the lovable cast, what wasn’t to like about this movie.
It might be the year’s best comedy, and that not even its primary, or maybe even secondary concern.
Modern blockbuster’s like to be thought of as intelligent and philosophical: “Inception,” “The Dark Knight,” “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes,” “Snowpeircer,” for example. But “Guardians” doesn’t care (it is really smart, actually). “Guardians” knows full well that summer movies are meant to be fun, thrilling, funny, and engaging.
It features larger-than-life action, and an even a bigger heart. How could you not love “We are Groot,” the climactic dance off, and all the speak of friendship and camaraderie in the film’s memorable finale? It’s the perfect example of what a summer movie should be.
Plus, we get baby Groot.
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